Tallahassee, FL – A shocking exposé published today has revealed that Florida Governor Ron DeSantis is actually a top-ranking member of the Church of Scientology who has managed to keep his involvement completely secret until now.
The extensive report includes photographs of DeSantis participating in high-level Scientology ceremonies at the church’s Flag Building in Clearwater, as well as leaked church documents listing him as a “Operating Thetan Level VIII” – the highest spiritual ranking in Scientology.
“Ron has been a devout Scientologist for years, but has used his political power to scrub any mention of it from the public record,” said former church spokesman Rex Pendleton. “He’s donated millions to grow Scientology, and has even convinced several legislators to sign up for Auditing sessions.”
DeSantis reportedly uses coded language in his speeches to signal to fellow Scientologists, praising founder L. Ron Hubbard and emphasizing key concepts like “going clear.” And while pushing his conservative policies publicly, DeSantis apparently works internally to advance top-secret Scientology goals like taking over Florida’s education system.
The Governor’s mansion in Tallahassee has also been revealed as a lavish Scientology center, with movie theaters for watching church propaganda and a fleet of Sea Org volunteers catering to DeSantis’ every need.
“I always found it odd how Ron would talk about unleashing ‘massive SP [suppressive person] ethics programs’ against protesters and political enemies,” said a former aide. “Now it all makes sense – he’s been talking about Scientology methods this whole time.”
At press time, DeSantis had responded to the exposé by calling it “religious bigotry” and cut off all public access in preparation for an assumed elevation to the church’s mythic Operating Thetan Level IX.
Life's Adventure 